I had spent ages dressing up nice and posh for our big day out, and just as we arrived a seagull (yes in cheltenham!) decided to poo right on my head.

thinking about it still makes me blush. I don’t think I saw my date for hours as I was in the toilets cleaning myself up!

I picked my date up for our first get-together in my car and drove to a countryside pub for some lunch. just before we got there though I shot past a traffic cop who clocked me going 52 in a 40.

that meant I had reached 12 points on my license and I’m being truthfully honest here, I started to cry! the rest of the afternoon was spent making dreadfully awkward conversations with my date and when I dropped her off back home I never heard from her again!
and I thought women liked emotional guys??! ha.

the night was going great until my date’s neighbours (an older couple) also came into the restaurant. they spoke to my date and the 2 women on the table next to us. these 2 women turned out to be my date’s mother and gran – yes, she had rang them to get them to come to the restaurant on some covert mission to check me out. the older couple coming into the restaurant had unintentionally just blown the secrecy of their plan.

when everyone realised what was going on the awkwardness was unbearable.

needless to say, that date did not proceed much further – and no, I didn’t offer to pay for the mother and gran’s bill!