Some people are obsessed with looks and unless you’re a pin-up type, they are unlikely to date you again. Others are obsessed with marriage so it will spell the end when you say you don’t want to get hitched till you’re at least 40.

But in most cases, when the first date goes well there are lots of ways you can increase your chances of a second date.

One of the most important rules (and sadly, it is sexist) is that the guy should ask for the next date. I know it sounds really out-dated but according to the experts it’s the only way to go.

Next, never have or ask for sex on a first date.  If you’re a woman, it gives the impression that you’re too “easy” and if you think you’re a gentleman, asking for sex when you first meet contradicts that.

(Some people say there should be no physical contact at all – and if you’re both over 25, then you might feel more comfortable following that rule – but lots of younger singles think it’s natural to at least kiss.)

Next, don’t let the first date go on for too long.  Even if the evening has gone well and you seem made for each other, don’t stay out till the wee hours swapping life stories.

That way, there will still be a little mystery left for the second date and your partner will remember the night as a fun time.

You need to make sure the other person knows you have a character – so don’t go along with every suggestion they make for where to go and what to eat and drink.

If your partner raves about a band that you absolutely loathe, be polite and concede they’re really popular but don’t pretend that you love them too.

Don’t go Dutch on a first date. Again, this can seem old-fashioned but research shows that most women still prefer a man who settles the bill and most men feel much happier doing that.

If a man acts like a gentlemen and holds open a door, hands you a drink or helps with your coat, make sure to say thank you – EVERY time. In surveys of annoying things about first dates, many men say they hate it when a woman doesn’t show any manners.

Women on the other hand say one of the biggest turn-offs for them is when a man can’t resist following an attractive woman across the room with his eyes.

So guys, give your date your undivided attention and don’t be tempted to ogle anyone else!

If you’re shy or first dates make you so nervous that you can’t make decent conversation, make sure you tell the other person.

Better to admit to nerves than have them think you’re boring. Guys can even use it to introduce a possible second date.

This could go along the lines of … “I get shy with new people – but I’m different when you get to know me.”  Suggest that next time you could go ice-skating/cycling/enter a pub quiz together.  (By now you should know what sort of thing she likes to do.)

If one person is too quiet, the other might panic at the thought of having to carry all the conversation next time too – but an activity date would take off the pressure.)

Of course some people over-talk when they are nervous so if that’s you, make sure you give the other person time to talk. Another problem with people who over-talk is that they often start confiding their ‘little secrets’.

Big mistake!!!

You want to seem interesting – but you don’t want to seem too different or nerdy in some way.

So don’t mention that you once called The Samaritans because you were suicidal and make sure you curb your OCD desire to repeatedly polish the cutlery.

Obviously, you don’t want to be dishonest or fake – but you don’t want to risk saying something that will detract from the good first impression you’re trying to create.

In three months time, she’ll still love you even though you’re more frightened of spiders and creepy-crawlies than she is. But save confessions like that for later!

Make sure your date feels special – ask them questions and compliment them – on their hair, their tie or a pretty dress. (Girls are usually thrilled if a guy brings along a little gift like flowers or chocolates – but make sure it is a small present.)

It might be considered wrong for a woman to ask for another date but there’s nothing wrong in presenting an opportunity for it to happen.

That means if there’s a circus in town, you can drop into the conversation that you’ve never been inside a Big Top (if he’s interested, hopefully he’ll offer to take you.)

A guy can find out if the way to a second date is clear (without losing face) by mentioning he’s keen to try the new sushi place that just opened. With any luck, she’ll reply that she wants to go there too and you can fix up the next date.

If not, just let the conversation move onto something else and wait for the next opportunity. If a new art show is opening in town next week, say you’re planning to go along and if she’s free it would be great to meet up there.

If you strike out a second time then she’s probably not keen to meet up again but you’ve avoided the discomfort of asking outright for a date and being turned down.

Well, chances are that things will go just as smoothly as they have done in the past but you shouldn’t ever forget that there are violent and dishonest people out there – and they are always on the lookout for an unsuspecting victim.

Of course, we’re not saying that you should allow fears about crime to turn you into a hermit who avoids new people and unknown places!

After all, you could just as easily become the victim of a random mugging or house burglary – but if you are meeting someone you don’t know very well, it makes sense to take basic precautions.

So, follow our tips for Keeping Safe on a Date …..

1. If you have arranged the date through a dating or introduction agency, check whether it undertakes any checks or vetting of new members. If you use an online dating service, never give your email address to someone until you’ve chatted a few times online or sent messages through the site.
2. ALWAYS arrange the first date at a busy central location. So, if your date suggests meeting at a cark park so you can car-share into town, politely decline the offer. Ditto if he says he’ll collect you from your home address. Yes, it could be that he’s simply a real gentleman who believes in treating his date well – but your parents’ advice holds good whatever your age – never get into a car with a stranger! (Violence apart, giving out your address could put you at risk of a burglary since an accomplice would know that you’re going to be out at a certain time.)
3. NEVER give out detailed personal information in an online profile – such as where you live or that you live alone in a flat with your cats!
4. During the date, make sure you never leave a drink unattended. If you need to go the toilet, finish your drink before leaving the table. If your date offers to get you another while you’re gone, simply say you aren’t sure if you want the same again. Date-rape does happen and your drink could be spiked while you’re gone.
5. Make sure the person you meet doesn’t get sight of anything with your address details and it goes without saying that you should never leave your house keys unattended. They could be stolen or copied.
6. Always tell a friend where you are going and arrange to text them when you arrive and again when you leave.  Although it’s not always possible, it’s good if you can meet in a bar when you know friends will be at another table – or maybe you could set up a double date with a friend?
7. Never allow a new date to take you home. The best idea is to arrange a lift home from a friend. If that’s not possible then get a taxi – but make sure you ring the taxi company yourself. (Fake taxi drivers exist in reality – not just in the movies!)
8. You’ll obviously want to tell your date a bit about yourself – but don’t be too specific until you know each other better.  Life will be so much easier for a stalker if she knows the name of your local pub or the community centre where you play five-a-side football every Thursday night!
9. If possible, arrange a lunchtime date because that way you can set a leaving time and it won’t be difficult to get away. Don’t agree to extend first meetings – for example by going for a walk in the park after lunch.
10. Don’t give your landline phone number to anyone until you get to know them.  Use your mobile to receive calls and if you ring someone from your landline, make sure you withhold your number. If the person is happy to be telephoned at work that will allow you to confirm their identity before you meet.
11. Don’t drink too much! Know your limit and stick to it. Alcohol impairs your judgement. (At best you could make a fool of yourself and at worst, you might end up making wrong decisions.) If you end up staying out for longer than expected, alternate your usual poison with water or soft drinks.
12. Remember, ALWAYS trust your instincts. If anything seems out of the ordinary or makes you uncomfortable – or your date tells you something that contradicts what they’ve said online or by phone – make your exit as soon as possible.

It could simply be that they invented a few facts during early conversations in the hope of impressing you – but why take the risk?

In the words of the hosts, “you’re at a party, the music is blaring and the booze is flowing when you spot some sexpot doing the Macarena that makes your heart go a flutter. However let’s face it, no matter how many times they catch your eye, blow you kisses or even motion you to come over and limber up for Wigfield, you will never, ever have the guts to go and speak to them….(but) what if you had someone to go make a move on your behalf? What if you had an accomplice, a wing man? What if you had…A Meddler of Honour?!”

‘The Meddlers’ are a confident bunch, whose sole purpose is to get people together. Expertly trained by ninjas, apparently, they seek out whomever you fancy and then meddle away until you’re happily chatting and swapping numbers. And before long the whole party is meddling in everyone else’s business and setting every single person up.

So seems that at last, the shy retiring singleton now has someone to make the moves for him. Or her. (But isn’t that what the booze is supposed to do?)

This new party phenomenon has caught the press attention in a big way, with coverage in Grazia, Celebs on Sunday, Company Magazine, Fabulous Magazine, Time out, London Paper, The Star, with even celebs getting hooked up it would appear…

Forget the slow process of getting-to-know-you and all that pavlova. There’s now no excuse not to chat up that honey across the room, and with food and drinks deals, you can always load up on Dutch courage if you feel the need.

Do you think this event format is the next big thing? Add a comment below or check availability for their next event.

Now all you lucky iPhone users can download our excellent singles event search app, allowing you to search all UK singles events from the comfort of your your phone, wherever you are! Out and about with mates, looking for a good party? Just enter your postcode, hit search, and choose your event, and off you go – what could be simpler? Have fun!

WARNING – THIS APP COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Always read the small print – if you find an event with your new iPhone app and meet the love of your life, then don’t blame us if your life suddenly changes for the better beyond your wildest dreams…

Download it (no charge) from iPhone App Store

To get you started, here are 10 ways to meet singles – some might not appeal but if you are keen to find a new partner, then try as many as you can.

• Speed Dating
• Online Dating
• Parties/Singles Parties
• Singles Events
• Travelling or Singles Holidays
• Social Media
• Work
• Introduction Agencies
• Salsa or Jive classes
• Sports or hobbies

Speed Dating

This probably needs little introduction. It’s a hugely popular way of meeting potential partners – and it works! If you don’t want to go alone, then ask a friend along and turn it into a fun night out.

Basically, the organisers get an equal number of men and women together and you spend around three minutes talking to each potential partner. Often the women remain seated at their tables while the men move around the room.

At the end, you make a note of anyone you liked and the organisers match you with people who’ve written down your name. You only spend a short time with each person so you avoid the awkwardness of a blind date where you don’t like the person at all!

Speed dating events are held around the country. To find venues near you, check out Smart Dating’s Singles Events Search)

Online Dating

Now one of the most popular ways to meet someone new and many dating sites have great search facilities to help you find a good match. Of course, some sites are better than others – so you might want to use Smart Dating’s Online Dating Comparison Tool which includes reviews of the major dating sites out there.

Parties or Singles Parties

Parties are a great way to meet potential dates – and cover everything from a late night drinking affair to Christmas parties, weddings or birthdays. (So, next time a workmate invites you to her Dad’s birthday bash, go along – you could just meet the guy of your dreams!)

If you can’t wait for an invite, organised Singles Parties take place regularly up and down the country. Don’t be shy – everyone there is looking for the same thing you are.

Singles Events

Okay folks, this is where you get to pick your poison! There are countless singles events available – from bowling nights or casino lessons to wine tasting and even Wii contests! Choose an event that appeals and enjoy a fun night out with other people looking for a new relationship. It’s relaxed and light hearted – with no awkward silences.

Travelling/Singles Holidays

Many people going on holiday hope they’ll meet someone new and start a relationship but if you’re looking for singles, make sure you choose a spot that’s lively. That way, you’re less likely to spend 10 days in a hotel full of parents with children!

If you don’t have anyone to go with, then consider a Singles Holiday. There is a wide choice available– from a lazy week on the beach to activity breaks like skiing or diving.

Social Media

If you’re under 35, you’re probably a seasoned Facebook and Twitter user already – but don’t just stick to family and friends.

Make contact with friends of friends and renew your friendships with people you knew at school or your first job. Join a Facebook group that fits in with your interests – there are groups for just about any topic you can think of.

If you meet someone you like in the uni bar or at a party, check if they are on Facebook (is the Pope Catholic??) and drop them a note to say ‘hi’.

Work

Often a great way to find a new partner. You already have a lot in common – like work-related stuff, office gossip and so on. You can chat to someone at work on a regular basis and build up a rapport before asking them out.

But remember, if you work in a large office or busy high street store, you’re much more likely to meet someone than if you work in a small newsagent’s shop with two people nearing retirement age. (So if that’s you, then you might want to think about where your career’s heading!)

Introduction Agencies

Provide a great way to meet new people and countless singles have met their match this way. If you’re concerned about safety or don’t what to trawl through profiles on a dating site, an agency gives you the chance to meet people who have been interviewed and chosen as a good match.

It’s not the cheapest way to find your true love but if cost isn’t a barrier then it’s well worth considering.

Salsa or Jive Classes

These are really popular – so look out for adverts in libraries, shop windows and on community notice boards about classes in your area.

Of course, not everyone there will be looking for a partner – lots of couples sign up too – but it can be a great way to meet new singles.

Sports and Hobbies/Interests

Think about joining a local five-a-side football team, signing up for the women’s darts team at your local pub – or check out the courses and classes organised by local councils and community groups.

Many are free or low-cost and they cover a huge range of topics and interests from archery and swimming to computers and cooking. You can start with Beginners Classes so don’t worry if it’s something you’ve never done before.

Of course, everyone won’t be single but you’ll soon find out who is available and who is not. Classmates often go out for a drink or have a coffee afterwards and there are sometimes organised events – such as a visit to an art gallery if you join a painting class.

But if money is really tight at the moment, don’t miss our tips on free or almost-free ways to increase your chances of finding a partner.

In short, all the time you’ve spent preparing for a first date – the hairstyle, the new outfit and the imaginary conversations – could all be wasted if your body language is wrong.

Researchers have been studying body language for decades and experts would almost have you believe that if you know your kinesics (body language) you will win that job, sell that product or marry the guy of your dreams.

Sadly, there’s more to a relationship than that – otherwise we wouldn’t bother even striking up a conversation. We’d leave it all to the non-verbal signs!

But body language does account for more than 50 per cent of a first impression. Another 40 per cent is down to your voice (tone and accent) and less than 10 per cent is actually based on the words you speak!

Remember though that body language is NOT an exact science. It’s also a fairly complicated area so don’t expect miracles unless you study it in depth.

That said, a little knowledge can help you to avoid major mistakes and you can use some basic techniques to increase your chances of making a good first impression.

POSTURE ….

can reveal a lot about someone’s reaction to you. Sitting with your arms or legs crossed gives out all the wrong signals – and suggests that you want to keep your distance.

So, try to sit with legs uncrossed and don’t cover your body with your arms. This means that leaning elbows on the table in front of you is out (but your mum always said it was bad manners anyway!)

Men should sit with their legs slightly apart because it indicates they are being open and honest.

(Don’t worry if your date loosely crosses their legs at the ankles with feet pointing straight towards you because this can be a sign of interest.)

SMILING …

is a universal gesture that says you’re pleased to see someone or finding the conversation interesting.

So always smile when you first meet and even if you’re nervous, try to smile regularly during the date. But don’t go overboard and grin like a Cheshire cat all night or you’ll appear deranged!

It’s also good to nod your head slightly at suitable points when your date is talking because it lets him or her know that you’re finding it interesting. (And if your date tips his head slightly to one side when talking to you, that’s a very good sign.)

Experts claim that rubbing behind your ear can suggest dishonesty while rubbing your nose suggests confusion. But it’s important that you don’t take all body actions too seriously.

A guy might really have an itch that needs to be scratched or a girl might cross her arms because she’s cold or wishing she hadn’t worn such a revealing dress.

Experienced readers of body language always use the Rule of Four.

So if someone says one thing while his body language suggests the opposite, then scratches behind his ear before sitting down with legs crossed, you now have three indications that he may not be telling the truth and/or isn’t attracted to you – but without a fourth signal, you shouldn’t rely on it.

MIRRORING …

is a technique that’s said to make the difference between a good flirt and an outstanding flirt. The idea behind it is that we like people who are like us – so when they act in a similar way, we instantly feel more relaxed.

But it’s not a game of Simon Says so don’t make it too obvious! If your date leans forward towards you to say something, you should lean in too and if they take a drink and then sit back in their chair, wait for about half a minute and then follow suit.

Only mimic positive body actions or gestures so don’t copy leg crossing for example and when copying a deliberate gesture would be too obvious, copy the spirit of it rather than the action.

So if he’s nervous and repeatedly taps his glass on the table, you should do something a little more subtle such as just taking hold of your glass.

EYE CONTACT ….

When you’re nervous or shy, it can be difficult to maintain eye contact but it is important because it says you’re interested in what your date is saying.

We all know that your pupils dilate when you meet someone you like and there’s no way to hide it. But subconsciously, your date will register this and if he is interested in you then his pupils will dilate in return.

If you want to make the most of this, meet in a dimly lit bar or sit in a darker corner of the room. The lack of light will immediately cause your pupils to dilate and increase the chances of attraction!

People will often blink faster when they meet someone they like – so you could also try increasing your blink rate a little.

Your date will unconsciously try to keep up with the rate of your blinking
and according to experts, that should increase feelings of relaxation and hopefully, attraction!

Paying attention to body language can help you to spot signs that your date finds you attractive.

Women often play with their own hair, twirling it around their fingers or “plumping it up” while men will unconsciously smooth down their hair, adjust their tie or flick imaginary dust from their jacket. (Seriously they do!)

Another sign of attraction – for either sex – is physical contact. So if your date pats you on the shoulder, brushes against you deliberately or removes imaginary dust from YOUR lapel then chances are they are interested.

Guys worry that a t-shirt is too casual whereas a suit might be too smart while the female sex debate long and hard over whether they should wear a sexy revealing dress or stick with a pretty blouse and longer length skirt.

(Then of course there’s the accessories … high heels or not, lots of jewellery or a simple chain, tights or stockings ….. it can take a while to figure it all out.)

And while there is no single right answer to what to wear on your first date, there are some factors that certainly help in making your choice – starting with the venue.

If the date is taking place in a pricey French restaurant, then chances are you won’t be considering a t-shirt or sweatshirt and similarly, if you’re going bowling then a figure-hugging mini dress is obviously not the best option.

Next, you need to take into account the person you’ll be meeting and the time of day.

So, let’s start with the girls ….

First, check out your date’s profile and picture if you’ve arranged the date through an agency or website. Does he seem like someone who would be at ease in a pinstriped suit and gleaming brogues or the casual outdoorsy type?

(Obviously, if he lives in joggers or jeans, you’ll look an odd couple if you turn up dressed to the nines.)

Okay, you haven’t met him yet but his profile should give you some clues. For example does he say he’s looking for a sexy dance-floor partner or mention that he’s looking for a homey type who likes curling up on the sofa to watch a movie?

Next, where will you be meeting? A stylish silk dress might be perfect for a late night rendezvous in a restaurant but you could well feel just a bit overdressed if you’re meeting at lunchtime.

The most important piece of advice for any first date is to wear something that you will feel confident and comfortable with. Four-inch stilettos may make your legs look longer but if you don’t normally wear them, then you won’t feel at ease.

Do you usually wear outfits that show off a lot of skin – mini skirts or low-cut tops for example?  If not, then don’t try to be something you are not. Of course that doesn’t mean you can’t make an effort to look your best – after all, this is a first date!

So if it’s a lunchtime drink, you could opt for smart casual – black jeans and a stylish top set off by pretty shoes and a little jewellery. You won’t look overdressed – but it will be clear that you’ve put some thought into how you look.

This might also be a good outfit choice for a Drinks-then-Cinema date where you want to look good but don’t want to be stuck in an impossibly tight dress for two hours during the film.

If the date is an upmarket restaurant, then it’s time to iron that little black dress – or a variation of it at least. Smart, pretty but not overly revealing or party style.

Other Top Tips

• Unless this really is your usual style, make sure you avoid outfits that make you look tartish or slutty.

• Don’t suddenly decide on a new hairstyle at the last minute – that’s inviting disaster

• Choose an outfit that makes the most of your best features – a colour that brings out your eyes or a shaped skirt that shows your trim figure

• ALWAYS have a dry run before the big day – you don’t want to find a missing button, broken zip or laddered stockings when you’re getting ready

A friend of mine always draws a little picture in her notebook of the “full look” to make sure she hasn’t forgotten anything. She has little arrows from each item to a description at the side where she puts details of everything from the main outfit to intended nail colour.

It’s a great idea because that way, she knows exactly what she’ll need by way of tights, nail polish, hair combs etc. (If you don’t have an artistic bone in your body, it’s still a good idea to make a list of everything you’re planning to wear.)

Finally, always aim for colours that you know work for you and styles that flatter your shape.

Don’t buy a brand new dress in a style you’ve never worn because you’ll feel self-conscious the whole time.

Now for the Guys …..

I know, girls think you have it easy – no difficult choices between short/long dress or trousers, nail colour or heels but the truth is that many guys still spend hours debating what they should wear to impress.

Again, your outfit will depend on the venue, time of day and the person you’re meeting.

This should help you to decide between a classic long sleeved shirt, preppy style or a more casual polo or t-shirt top. Teamed with stylish jeans or canvas trousers, this last one would be good for the bowling alley or a picnic in the park.

But if you’re meeting in a swish restaurant or playing the tables at a casino then you’d probably be better going for smart dark trousers and the classic shirt or even a well-cut suit.

(You can easily remove the jacket as soon as you get inside.)

If you hate the idea of a smart jacket, there’s a lot of stylish knitwear around at the moment and that’s a good choice for colder weather.

Similar to the advice for women – don’t buy clothes for a date that you aren’t likely to be comfortable with so if you’ve never worn hipster jeans, this isn’t the time to try them out.

And if you’re a little older, don’t suddenly go shopping in a trendy shop. There’s nothing worse than mutton dressed as lamb whatever your sex!

Finally make sure that shoes (and socks!) are a good match for the outfit and that your hair is neat and tidy. Have a close shave or trim any beard and then splash on a little of your favourite aftershave.

Otherwise, the rule holds good and also extends to religion and topics like immigration or terrorism – you don’t want to get into any serious debates which could lead to an early argument. Couples often hold widely differing beliefs and still get on well together, but such discussions are not for a first date.

DON’T talk about how much money you make in the hope of impressing – it’s more likely you’ll come across as a show-off. In fact, be very careful about talking yourself up in general.

No Bragging!

Obviously you are hoping to make a good impression but you need to do that without sounding conceited. Okay, you might well be the best sales consultant in your office or drive a more expensive car than any of your friends – but don’t point it out at this stage.

It’s also a bad idea to talk about your ex-partner or spouse, bad-mouth your workmates or go into the details of a family feud. If your date pushes you for more information when you say your five-year relationship has just ended, then give the short rather than the long version. (And don’t make it sound like you were the injured party in the break-up even if you were!)

An explanation like “we decided we wanted different things from life” or “he moved to London for his career but I wanted to stay here” is enough for now.

On a first date it’s also a really bad idea to bring up sex, describe how you got legless at your friend’s party last night or get into any long, complicated or personal stories – such as why you left home at 16 or why you haven’t spoken to your brother in two years.

A first date should be exciting, fun and light-hearted. You should both go home feeling like you had a really pleasant evening so keep serious/sad news to the minimum.

Keep it Light-hearted

If you’ve recently had a difficult experience – such as a close relative dying or losing your job, don’t use this date as an excuse to pour out your heart and get some sympathy. That’s what your friends are for – and it will certainly put the dampers on the evening.

Often, your date will show interest in your problem or ask how you are coping but this is simply politeness – it’s not the signal for you to relate the argument you had with your boss or tell a long story about visits to the vet before your beloved moggie drew her last breath.

And if you suddenly realise that you’ve started a long drawn-out story then simply stop, apologise and move onto a different subject. It’s only on Mastermind where you’ve started so you have to finish!

Football is Off Limits

Another thorny topic of conversation is sport. Many men could talk about football/rugby or cricket till the cows come home and it’s very easy to witter on when you’re feeling nervous.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong in asking your date if they are interested in any sports but even if they say they love football or golf, it could well be politeness again and they don’t really want to discuss the last Man United match for the next hour!

In fact, whatever subject you bring up – remember that your date wants to be polite and put you at ease. So, unless their replies make it clear that they are genuinely passionate about the subject under discussion, keep it brief!

You don’t want them going home with the memory of you boring them senseless talking about your online Scrabble competitions!

NO Checking Facebook!

Finally – ALWAYS switch off your mobile phone unless you are waiting for a very urgent call – or at least switch it to silent and check it when you go to the loo.

However nervous you are, don’t make the mistake of answering three phone calls from your friends to see how things are going – and don’t spend the time over drinks texting your friends, otherwise your date will feel like a spare part!

After all, the whole idea of this evening is to find out a little about the other person and decide whether you like each other enough to start dating so you want your date to go home thinking they had fun.

But it doesn’t have to be too stressful – just follow our tips and try to relax a little.  After all, what’s the worst that could happen? He/she decides you’re not the ideal partner and you never go out together again.

If you get too wound up and treat it like a military exercise, that’s exactly what will happen – so think of it simply as an enjoyable night out and be yourself if you can.

You’ll have much more fun and if you’re relaxed, it’s more likely that it will lead to a second date.

Finding something to talk about is really pretty easy (honestly!) but equally important, is what NOT to talk about.

Basically, there are three important elements to any first date:

• The first five minutes
• Mid-date when conversation can falter
• Saying goodnight

Deal with each one separately. We all know that laughter is good and if you have a talent for telling jokes, it will probably go down well during the meal – but don’t try to start the night with comedy unless you know you can carry it off.

The ice-breaker really takes care of itself but differs according to the date. For example, if you’re meeting for a drink before the cinema then you can talk about the film.

If you’ve opted for a quiet drink, it might go like this …“I’ve passed here a few times but never been in. It’s really nice isn’t it?” This gives your date a chance to say if and when he/she has been in there before.

Wherever you meet there’s usually something you can say about your surroundings but if you really can’t think of anything, then you could ask if they found the place easily/got parked okay or had far to walk.

You don’t have to be clever

People often make the mistake of thinking they must find something witty to say but this is wrong. In fact, the reverse is probably true – if you appear to be a great wit, your date might clam up if he or she can’t think of a witty reply.

All you’re looking for really is a sentence or two to get you through the first few minutes. Then, you’ll be sitting down and you can move onto ordering drinks or choosing from the menu.

Once the conversation proper gets underway, be careful not to monopolise the conversation. There’s a myth that women love to talk and men are happy just to listen but there are shy women and talkative men too – so make sure the conversation is balanced.

Don’t fire off questions about age, occupation and likes/dislikes. This information should come out quite naturally in conversation. Obviously you want to find out about each other but you don’t want to turn it into the Spanish Inquisition.

At this stage it’s not usually good to ask direct questions about whether someone wants to get married/have kids/take early retirement. Just go with the flow of the conversation and by the end of the night you’ll probably know most of the important stuff.

General Conversation

Rather than get into personal details at once, it’s a good idea to start with general topics. If you don’t usually watch the news or read a newspaper it’s a good idea to at least scan the headlines for a couple of days beforehand. That way, if the conversation begins to flag you can bring up something from the news – a quirky story is always good. Failing that, you could ask about a new cinema film (this often moves onto favourite films/stars) or you could mention a favourite TV programme. If turns out that you are both huge Eastenders or X-Factor fans then you’ve cracked it!

But if it seems you have nothing in common, don’t fret about it. It doesn’t mean that this will be the one-and-only date or that there’s no chance of a relationship.

Lots of couples have a great life together but have totally different interests – and it means they’ve always got twice as much to talk about.

Online Profile

If you have read your date’s profile, this can provide conversation if things suddenly go quiet.

For example, if his profile says he loves mountain climbing then you can ask how he got into it, which mountains he has climbed etc. If her profile says she loves going to gigs you can ask if she’s going to see XY next week.

Silence

At some point, the conversation might dry up. If this happens, give your date a moment or two to get things moving again but don’t let the silence linger for too long.

Don’t be afraid to admit you’re nervous and can’t think of anything to say. If your date is panicking too, they’ll be relieved that you feel the same. Often, this will lead to a totally new conversation about difficult or funny situations you’ve faced in the past.

But if you begin to feel uncomfortable, it could be the ideal time to excuse yourself and go to the loo. It will give you both some breathing space and if you’ve planned ahead, you should have a little slip of paper on which you’ve jotted some extra conversation starters.

The End of the Night

After the initial meeting, saying goodbye is probably the next hardest part of the date.

Assuming you want to see the person again, it’s a good idea to have something in mind for the end of the night. For example, if you’ve discussed films and there’s one you’d both like to see, then you could say “I’ve had a really great time – and I’m definitely up for seeing Monologue next week so if you fancy going, just let me know.”

That gives the person a chance to take you up on the offer – or at least allows them to end the date politely by promising to call if they can make it to the film.

Yes, there are some people that flirting comes more naturally to than others and often they do it without even noticing, but they’re in the minority. The good news is that you too can become a flirting goddess and attract a great guy into your life because flirting is a skill, and all skills can be learned.

So, are you ready to get started?

OK. So here are a few of the essentials you DO want to be doing when you spot a guy you’re interested in:

• Be having fun with whoever you’re with
• Make it clear you’re interested in him (but without coming on too strong)
• Smile at him and then simply say something – be playful

So if you’re feeling confused about why you can’t get a guy to approach you even though you know you’re a good catch then read on for my 7 secrets to being a flirting goddess!

1. Smile

This one is so simple yet it seems that so few of us do it! We end up closed off and living in our own worlds for much of the time and we forget to really engage with the people around us.

So practice everyday smiling to anyone you pass on the street, end up on the treadmill next to at the gym or in the queue at Starbucks!

You want to be conveying that you’re an open, warm hearted and approachable woman and if you can throw a bit of fun in as well guy will love you!

You see men are often scared stiff of rejection so if you can make it easy for him and radiate a friendly air about you, he’ll be far more likely to come and say ‘Hi’.

2. Catch his eye

Now yes, you may think this is just too obvious, but what you’re looking to do here is send him a clear signal that you’re interested in him.

What I’m talking about here is not just a quick glance, but holding his eyes for about 3 seconds, just long enough for him to connect with you.

That’s because in order to send an effective signal with eye contact, you need to hold your gaze longer than might seem natural. Three whole seconds.

3. Be light hearted and playful.

We all love someone who’s fun to be around and most guys love a sexy and playful woman  they know will be fun to date – after all we want the same in a guy right? So try and set the tone from the start… and it doesn’t matter whether he approaches you or you him.

One word of caution – avoid any sarcasm as this will have him backing off faster than you can say ‘mine’s a G&T!’

4. Ask him about himself and really listen to his answers

We all love to talk about ourselves and know that someone’s really interested in what we have to say – men are no different. When you show interest in his life, he’ll feel great and you’ll create an instant attraction and want to see you again.

The other thing this does is give you a lot of clues as to whether this is a good match for you and if he’s not, then you can just move on politely.

5. Have fun & laugh with him

We always say we love a man with a sense of humour and men are acutely aware of this. He’ll want to make you laugh as much as possible so if you laugh at his jokes (however bad they are) his confidence will go through the roof and he’ll feel as if he’s winning with you. This is very powerful to a man. He needs to know he’s got the go ahead to ask you out on a date.

6. Be different

It’s vital that you get his interest by revealing something a little different about yourself, something that sets you apart from other women.

7. Remember your body language.

Surprisingly only 7% of our communication is verbal (that means 93% is nonverbal body language or the tone of our voice). Scary when you think about it!

So hold yourself well, lean across the table and give him the odd touch every now and then to send the signal you’re interested.

I hope that gets you started, but as with all skills practice makes perfect. Arrange as many nights out with your friends as possible and just go out and enjoy yourself without having any attachment to whether he asks you out or not because you can never know whether he’s in the right place for a relationship or not … but unless you try you’ll never know!

Happy Dating

Sharon