First dates can be pretty nerve wracking – especially if it’s the first you’ve had in a while!
But it doesn’t have to be too stressful – just follow our tips and try to relax a little. After all, what’s the worst that could happen? He/she decides you’re not the ideal partner and you never go out together again.
If you get too wound up and treat it like a military exercise, that’s exactly what will happen – so think of it simply as an enjoyable night out and be yourself if you can.
You’ll have much more fun and if you’re relaxed, it’s more likely that it will lead to a second date.
Finding something to talk about is really pretty easy (honestly!) but equally important, is what NOT to talk about.
Basically, there are three important elements to any first date:
- The first five minutes
- Mid-date when conversation can falter
- Saying goodnight
Deal with each one separately. We all know that laughter is good and if you have a talent for telling jokes, it will probably go down well during the meal – but don’t try to start the night with comedy unless you know you can carry it off.
The ice-breaker really takes care of itself but differs according to the date. For example, if you’re meeting for a drink before the cinema then you can talk about the film.
If you’ve opted for a quiet drink, it might go like this …“I’ve passed here a few times but never been in. It’s really nice isn’t it?” This gives your date a chance to say if and when he/she has been in there before.
Wherever you meet there’s usually something you can say about your surroundings but if you really can’t think of anything, then you could ask if they found the place easily/got parked okay or had far to walk.
You don’t have to be clever
People often make the mistake of thinking they must find something witty to say but this is wrong. In fact, the reverse is probably true – if you appear to be a great wit, your date might clam up if he or she can’t think of a witty reply.
All you’re looking for really is a sentence or two to get you through the first few minutes. Then, you’ll be sitting down and you can move onto ordering drinks or choosing from the menu.
Once the conversation proper gets underway, be careful not to monopolise the conversation. There’s a myth that women love to talk and men are happy just to listen but there are shy women and talkative men too – so make sure the conversation is balanced.
Don’t fire off questions about age, occupation and likes/dislikes. This information should come out quite naturally in conversation. Obviously you want to find out about each other but you don’t want to turn it into the Spanish Inquisition.
At this stage it’s not usually good to ask direct questions about whether someone wants to get married/have kids/take early retirement. Just go with the flow of the conversation and by the end of the night you’ll probably know most of the important stuff.
General Conversation
Rather than get into personal details at once, it’s a good idea to start with general topics. If you don’t usually watch the news or read a newspaper it’s a good idea to at least scan the headlines for a couple of days beforehand. That way, if the conversation begins to flag you can bring up something from the news – a quirky story is always good. Failing that, you could ask about a new cinema film (this often moves onto favourite films/stars) or you could mention a favourite TV programme. If turns out that you are both huge Eastenders or X-Factor fans then you’ve cracked it!
But if it seems you have nothing in common, don’t fret about it. It doesn’t mean that this will be the one-and-only date or that there’s no chance of a relationship.
Lots of couples have a great life together but have totally different interests – and it means they’ve always got twice as much to talk about.
Online Profile
If you have read your date’s profile, this can provide conversation if things suddenly go quiet.
For example, if his profile says he loves mountain climbing then you can ask how he got into it, which mountains he has climbed etc. If her profile says she loves going to gigs you can ask if she’s going to see XY next week.
Silence
At some point, the conversation might dry up. If this happens, give your date a moment or two to get things moving again but don’t let the silence linger for too long.
Don’t be afraid to admit you’re nervous and can’t think of anything to say. If your date is panicking too, they’ll be relieved that you feel the same. Often, this will lead to a totally new conversation about difficult or funny situations you’ve faced in the past.
But if you begin to feel uncomfortable, it could be the ideal time to excuse yourself and go to the loo. It will give you both some breathing space and if you’ve planned ahead, you should have a little slip of paper on which you’ve jotted some extra conversation starters.
The End of the Night
After the initial meeting, saying goodbye is probably the next hardest part of the date.
Assuming you want to see the person again, it’s a good idea to have something in mind for the end of the night. For example, if you’ve discussed films and there’s one you’d both like to see, then you could say “I’ve had a really great time – and I’m definitely up for seeing Monologue next week so if you fancy going, just let me know.”
That gives the person a chance to take you up on the offer – or at least allows them to end the date politely by promising to call if they can make it to the film.
