There is so much more to internet dating than signing up to a site and putting up a profile. If you want to find your perfect match online, you’ll need to commit some time and effort to using the site, find some potential dates and start chatting to people. Although this can all sound pretty straightforward, it’s easy to make mistakes along the way without realising it and end up further away from your goal than when you started.
Read part two of my top ten tips and increase your chances of success in finding love online.
Be realistic
We are taught not to judge a book by its cover, however, so much of internet dating is about doing just that. The problem with this is that you could end up discounting someone who could be a great match for you because you don’t like the look of them. We all have an internal list of ‘deal-breakers’ we’re looking for in someone else.
What you need to do is identify yours and then objectively see whether it’s a realistic list. Is it really so important that someone you date younger than you, two inches smaller, or owns the whole radiohead back catalogue? Realistically, if you met someone who was a little older, that you had tons in common with, would a few years make such a difference? Sadly, internet dating makes us focus on the superficial, which isn’t what long term relationships thrive on.  I can’ t stress enough how important it is that you are honest with yourself about what you are looking for. This doesn’t mean you should go on a date with everyone that asks you, but make sure you’re not rejecting someone that could be a good match, but doesn’t have the right hair colour.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket
It’s a really easy mistake to make, however, don’t feel that you need to stop chatting to people online once you start arranging face to face dates. Although it goes against our natural etiquette instincts, (it seems rude to continue flirting with others online when you’re dating people), you must make sure you don’t narrow down your options at the first opportunity. You’ll have spent some time chatting to a variety of people that you’re interested in, so don’t be tempted to stop chatting to them or not arrange to meet up because you have been on a date with someone else. Although you might go on a date that feels like it’s gone really well, it will take you both a few dates to really know whether you might have a connection. It’s really easy to get sucked into just dating one person, but keep your options open and chat to lots of people– you’ll know when the time is right to be exclusive with one person.
Be the right sort of keen
I write this particular tip with a caveat attached – i really dislike ‘games and rules’, when it comes to dating, however this is one area of internet dating that has a definite rule to it. As a coach, i don’t like it, however if you’re using the internet to date, i think you need to know about it!
It’s important that you get the balance right of being keen, but not being too keen. Confused? Let me explain further… How you contact people online is often viewed as an indication of your keenness, therefore you have to make sure you appear keen, but not overly keen, or as some might view it, desperate.  So how do you do this? You have to take your time. Although it might be tempting to want to write very long emails to someone explaining why you think you’re a good match, or respond within minutes of them emailing you, think about how that can seem to someone else. Although you want them to know you are keen, over-sharing or responding very quickly can feel a bit overwhelming when you’re on the receiving end. Your good intentions could therefore see you pushing someone away rather than making a connection. At the other end of the scale, if you act too nonchalant and don’t respond to someone’s email for a week, you’re unlikely to get asked on a date! A rule of thumb is to keep things short and snappy to start with, and reply to people within 24-48 hours.
Be safe
This may seem really obvious, but make sure you stay safe when dating online. I have to stress that 99.9% of people on online dating sites are perfectly legitimate, however, we’ve all read about internet dating scams and cases where people haven’t been who they said they were. You have to give yourself time to get to know people, and whilst you do, don’t share any of your personal information. Don’t give out your address, details of your workplace, or share really personal things about yourself when chatting online. It also goes without saying that if anyone ever asks you for money (and it does happen in some rare cases), report them to the site administrator and cease any communication. If you’re arranging to go on a date, make sure you meet in a public place and tell a friend where you are going.
Remember, just because you’ve exchanged a few chatty emails with an individual doesn’t mean you know someone and you should get too familiar.
Feel free to walk away
This tip applies to all stages of internet dating – if it doesn’t feel right, then walk away. If you’ve signed up to a site for a few months, but you’re either not getting any dates (even after adjusting your profile), then don’t feel you need to stick it out, just move on.
By all means, keep chatting to people online that you’re not sure about to see whether you begin to find some common ground, but if this doesn’t start to happen, don’t feel you need to keep chatting. It can be tempting to keep chatting to those that you’re not really connecting with until someone better comes along, however, if you’ve no intention of meeting up with them, don’t keep them hanging on.
Play nice
For some strange reason, the world of internet dating can make people behave in a way that would make them blush if they were in the real world; some contact people with pretty fruity suggestions of what they’d like to do with them, some arrange to meet up and then vanish into thin air, some reveal all their past relationship issues at the drop of a hat… If you’ve ever found yourself doing these things, consider for a moment what the person on the receiving end might think!
I’m a big fan of being yourself when online, therefore, behave on a dating site how you’d like to be treated and you’re likely to get a good response. If someone emails you and you’re not interested, take a few moments to thank them, but let them know you’re not interested.
If you find yourself wanting to date someone exclusively, but you’re still chatting to people, rather than stop all communication, send an email telling them how much you’ve enjoyed chatting to them, but you’ve just started dating someone and want to see how it goes. This way, if it doesn’t go to plan, you’ve left the door ajar to potentially strike up the chatting again.
And one final piece of advice…keep it in perspective
Although you should invest some time in internet dating, make sure it doesn’t consume you; it will zap your energy and could make you a bit cynical if you spend too much time focusing on bagging a date. When you start dating, you’ll want to show the other person what a lovely, interesting life you have, so make sure you get out there and have fun. Any form of dating can dent your ego, so it’s important to keep a good balance between this and the rest of your life.
