If you want your first date to be successful then you need to know a little about body language – because it plays a huge part in first impressions.
In short, all the time you’ve spent preparing for a first date – the hairstyle, the new outfit and the imaginary conversations – could all be wasted if your body language is wrong.
Researchers have been studying body language for decades and experts would almost have you believe that if you know your kinesics (body language) you will win that job, sell that product or marry the guy of your dreams.
Sadly, there’s more to a relationship than that – otherwise we wouldn’t bother even striking up a conversation. We’d leave it all to the non-verbal signs!
But body language does account for more than 50 per cent of a first impression. Another 40 per cent is down to your voice (tone and accent) and less than 10 per cent is actually based on the words you speak!
Remember though that body language is NOT an exact science. It’s also a fairly complicated area so don’t expect miracles unless you study it in depth.
That said, a little knowledge can help you to avoid major mistakes and you can use some basic techniques to increase your chances of making a good first impression.
POSTURE ….
can reveal a lot about someone’s reaction to you. Sitting with your arms or legs crossed gives out all the wrong signals – and suggests that you want to keep your distance.
So, try to sit with legs uncrossed and don’t cover your body with your arms. This means that leaning elbows on the table in front of you is out (but your mum always said it was bad manners anyway!)
Men should sit with their legs slightly apart because it indicates they are being open and honest.
(Don’t worry if your date loosely crosses their legs at the ankles with feet pointing straight towards you because this can be a sign of interest.)
SMILING …
is a universal gesture that says you’re pleased to see someone or finding the conversation interesting.
So always smile when you first meet and even if you’re nervous, try to smile regularly during the date. But don’t go overboard and grin like a Cheshire cat all night or you’ll appear deranged!
It’s also good to nod your head slightly at suitable points when your date is talking because it lets him or her know that you’re finding it interesting. (And if your date tips his head slightly to one side when talking to you, that’s a very good sign.)
Experts claim that rubbing behind your ear can suggest dishonesty while rubbing your nose suggests confusion. But it’s important that you don’t take all body actions too seriously.
A guy might really have an itch that needs to be scratched or a girl might cross her arms because she’s cold or wishing she hadn’t worn such a revealing dress.
Experienced readers of body language always use the Rule of Four.
So if someone says one thing while his body language suggests the opposite, then scratches behind his ear before sitting down with legs crossed, you now have three indications that he may not be telling the truth and/or isn’t attracted to you – but without a fourth signal, you shouldn’t rely on it.
MIRRORING …
is a technique that’s said to make the difference between a good flirt and an outstanding flirt. The idea behind it is that we like people who are like us – so when they act in a similar way, we instantly feel more relaxed.
But it’s not a game of Simon Says so don’t make it too obvious! If your date leans forward towards you to say something, you should lean in too and if they take a drink and then sit back in their chair, wait for about half a minute and then follow suit.
Only mimic positive body actions or gestures so don’t copy leg crossing for example and when copying a deliberate gesture would be too obvious, copy the spirit of it rather than the action.
So if he’s nervous and repeatedly taps his glass on the table, you should do something a little more subtle such as just taking hold of your glass.
EYE CONTACT ….
When you’re nervous or shy, it can be difficult to maintain eye contact but it is important because it says you’re interested in what your date is saying.
We all know that your pupils dilate when you meet someone you like and there’s no way to hide it. But subconsciously, your date will register this and if he is interested in you then his pupils will dilate in return.
If you want to make the most of this, meet in a dimly lit bar or sit in a darker corner of the room. The lack of light will immediately cause your pupils to dilate and increase the chances of attraction!
People will often blink faster when they meet someone they like – so you could also try increasing your blink rate a little.
Your date will unconsciously try to keep up with the rate of your blinking
and according to experts, that should increase feelings of relaxation and hopefully, attraction!
Paying attention to body language can help you to spot signs that your date finds you attractive.
Women often play with their own hair, twirling it around their fingers or “plumping it up” while men will unconsciously smooth down their hair, adjust their tie or flick imaginary dust from their jacket. (Seriously they do!)
Another sign of attraction – for either sex – is physical contact. So if your date pats you on the shoulder, brushes against you deliberately or removes imaginary dust from YOUR lapel then chances are they are interested.
I am not sure how I got here–Google maybe? But I appreciate the ideas.